


Satinalia Eve

by Kmandergirl



Series: Idalya Mahariel Stories [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Handsome Ex-boyfriends, Holidays, Misunderstandings, Satinalia, Smut-ish, Tumblr Prompt, Way too much Chinese food, cameos from other characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-08 13:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5497925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kmandergirl/pseuds/Kmandergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU Dragon Age Satinalia written for Anon on Tumblr asking for a Xmas one shot with Idalya and Barris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been an unreasonably cold winter in Ferelden, most Satinalias were marked by temperate weather kept at bay by a few layers of cloth so Delrin Barris has been surprised upon waking Satinalia Eve to find the usually barren ground covered with a light dusting of snow that had continued to fall from the sky over the course of the day. By nightfall the snow measured inches deep and had brought most of the Imperial Highway to a standstill as many of the residents of Lake Calanhad didn’t have the resources to deal with the unexpected “white blight” as they had taken to calling it. Many holiday plans had been changed quickly as families were now forced to spend the holiday huddled within their neighborhood when they would normally pile into their vehicles with presents to make the highway  trek across Ferelden to spend the holiday with family much further away.

The Barris family had long finished their yearly celebration consisting of a delicious dinner prepared by his mother and the complaining that typically followed. Delrin had easily slipped away as his father and brother had taken to arguing over the specifics of the family business around the kitchen table with open ledgers spread from end to end. Grabbing his overnight bag from the entry way of the house, he had walked down the long hallway to where his room in the house used to exist. Flipping on the light he sighed as his eyes had been assaulted by the now crimson colored walls of what was now his mother’s workout and hobby area with an exercise bike and sewing table filling the majority of the room. That night Barris would be crashing in a sleeping bag in his brother’s room he was still occupying while learned the ins and outs of the family business. He had easily slipped into his fur lined pants and into the matching jacket and upon zipping it all the way to his chin, he couldn’t believe the amount of heat coursing inside the suit. Upon entering the kitchen, his mother had looked up from the counter and had smiled before reaching out and handing him two very full and warm thermos that he had tucked safetly underneath his arm.

Leaning forward he placed a gentle kiss at his mother’s temple, her ebony black curls tickling the edge of his nose. “Thanks Mom, you’re the best.”

She smiled broadly again, creases forming around her eyes as she reached up and placed her hands on both his cheeks. “Tell her hi for us, Delrin. I’ll leave the back door unlocked. Go. Get out of here before your father sees you.” She pushed him towards the side door of the kitchen as Barris chuckled as her demeanor.

Cracking the door open, he winced as the cold spread over the still exposed parts of his skin. He pulled the warm thermos against him and walked carefully across the snow covered paths as he made his way up a hill at the edge of the neighborhood that within minutes had him overlooking the town that looked like a snow globe as the glittering snow continued to fall with no signs of letting up.

Sitting on a stone wall that he had cleared the snow off of, Barris let his long legs dangle over the side as he appreciated the warmth in his body from his fur lined clothes and pants that he was relieved still fit from his days in high school. He pulled the hood of his coat further over his head protecting his eyes from the stinging cold as watched the snow slowly build up on the abandoned set of playground equipment on the ground in front of him. Normally his neighborhood would be full of ruddy faced children running through the fresh piles of snow, but being Satinalia parents had kept them inside in the warmth as they exchanged presents and sang songs thanking the Maker for another year with their families.

He marveled at the quiet of everything under the blanket of snow and minutes after he had taken a seat he noticed a figure moving quickly and quietly up the hit towards him. Tall and thin with a scarf wrapped around their face and hood, they seemed unburdened by the snow’s weight as they made their way up the hill. As the person drew near, Barris couldn’t hold back the grin that had been threatening to break free since he had arrived at his parent’s house yesterday. He threw on his serious Templar voice from work.

“You’re late!” a melodic laugh came out of the figure as they drew close and flopped down in the unoccupied spot on the wall next to Barris.

“Liar. I saw you just head up here.” As she spoke she reached up and unwound the scarf wrapped around her face until it draped lazily around her shoulders, her lavender colored eyes caught his and she grinned. “Merry Satinalia, Delrin.”

Barris’ breath caught as he took in her features and her voice felt like another icy set of fingers traveling up his spine. Somehow over the course of the year, he would tell himself that Idalya Mahariel wasn’t nearly as beautiful or as charming as his memory suggested, and every year he was proven wrong when she was so much more. Growing up together he had always thought she was “pretty” in the way that little boys think their female friends were, but as they’d had grown to be adults, time had blessed Idalya with her almond eyes with the colors of sunset trapped inside, full wine colored lips, and defined cheekbones that gave her a fragile look usually only seen in the nobility of Ferelden. Strands of her hair were poking out of her hood at irregular angles and as the flakes of snow landed on them he realized how much more silver than white her hair was since with her deep tanned skin her hair had always appeared much brighter.

The spell he was under was quickly broken when he noticed her shudder as a strong breeze blew and wrapped around them with an icy grip. He handed out one of the thermos he was holding and she gladly accepted it drawing it close to her chest and letting out a hum of approval as its heat sank into her. Idalya opened the metal container and inhaled deeply from the cloud of heat that escaped out into the freezing cold night like a sigh of defeat against its frigid competitor.

“Mmm Mrs. Barris’ famous hot chocolate. The abysmally long drive here from Denerim is _almost_ worth it just for this.” She joked and Delrin waited as he studied her and waited for her to continue their usual routine. Understanding the purpose of his pause she laughed again, an echoing sound that added more warmth to his body than the thermos was, and reached into the jacket of her heavy coat pulling out a flask. “You didn’t think I’d come empty handed, did you?” She questioned with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

Barris shook his head and chuckled as she twisted the cap off and emptied half the contents into her hot chocolate before handing the steel flask over to him and watched intently as he proceeded to do the same. Closing the flask up he turned to her and they enthusiastically clinked thermos in tribute of the holiday and another year in the past, Barris brought it to his lips and took a deep draught before sputtering and coughing at the near toxicity of booze Idalya had brought. She fell back into the snow laughing as she held her sides as she resembled an angel sent by the Maker as the snowflakes arranged themselves delicately across her skin.

“Are you trying to kill me? That’s strong enough to knock a horse on its ass!” His throat was burning and he could already feel the liquor working his way through his limbs giving new warmth.

“Oh Delrin, I’m sorry.” She apologized while wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes as she resumed her prior position. “It’s quite cold out and I’ve had a trying few weeks so I was in need something stronger than our usual. I forget what lightweights you Templars are.” She nudged her shoulder hard into his arm as she winked at him.

“Hey there! I am not a lightweight!” He sputtered out feeling heat rise into his cheeks already, “I just don’t feel the need to destroy every bottle of wine I come into contact like certain people I know.” If she wanted to play cheeky, so could he…at least he thought he could. As the seconds ticked by he already felt much more at ease than he normally did which he attributed to some combination of her presence and his potential alcohol poisoning.

She reached out and covered his mittened hand with her own. “I apologize, my friend. I’ll remember two flasks next year.”

 _Next year._ This was their routine. Delrin and Idalya on Santilia Eve- this had been their routine for nearly nine years since she had moved away to Denerim for University. At first she only returned home once a year because I couldn’t afford the cost as a starving student and even then Barris had quietly mailed her the funds to drive back home to see her mother, a single working elven woman who would have been crushed if her only daughter didn’t return for the holidays. Then as years passed and Idalya had graduated with honors from her law program she had been quickly hired to work for the city of Denerim where she made a name for herself in taking on impossible cases and fighting for the rights of those who had no voice.

Barris’ mother would call and leave voicemails on his machine when she’d show up on the Ferelden Nightly News after successfully prosecuting another case of corruption at the heart of their government. It pained him to see her on television and hear her voice knowing she was so far away, but she was doing what she was meant to do. She had a dream and was making Ferelden a better place while she lived it. Even as they played as children she had these grand dreams and had the confidence to know that she could accomplish them. The day he had helped her finish filling the trunk of her car so she could drive to start her new life in the capital, she had sworn that she would be back to visit as often as possible, but Barris was a practical man and knew even at the age of 18 that his life would never be the same.

“Sooo…how’s Mom and Dad doing?” She said between mouthfuls of hot chocolate and poison.

“Oh you know,” Barris responded, pulling his jacket tighter around him. _Fuck this cold._ “Mom is still doing charity work in the area while Dad is too consumed grooming the heir to take over the family business to notice anyone else. I’d ask how your mother is doing, but I see her nearly every weekend when I come by here so I’ll answer for you: she misses you.”

Idalya laughed as she leaned in closer, their arms side by side as they attempted to keep any extra wind from penetrating through their clothes. “I know. She’s told me about ten thousand times since I got home yesterday.” She paused as she gazed over the quaint looking snowy town below. “What I don’t tell her is just how much I miss her. How much I miss all of this. I love my work, but it’s so lonely. Even my own peers stare at me with distrust as they wait to hear what’s the newest case I’ll be trying. Every person who stops to talk to me I have to worry about what their agenda is or if they’ve been sent by someone I’m prosecuting to threaten me.”

She looked into her cup almost unaware of Delrin sitting next to her. “I really do love my job, but I don’t know what kind of life this is” She quickly came out of her mood and continued before Barris could question her on what she had just said. “So how have the Templars been treating my oldest friend?”

Barris chuckled then immediately grimaced as he took another swig of his thermos. “You’ve got to stop calling me that, I’m only a month older than you.”

“Well yes, technically, but our whole lives you’ve been the serious one. I always prepare myself to returning home to find you hitched with a little house on the edge of Lake Calenhad and little Barris on the way. Speaking of, my mom said you were dating a girl who works at the local Chantry, how’s that going?”

Barris’ body stiffened at her comment, he had not been prepared to discuss that particular part of his year, but as usual Idalya was able to finagle more information out of him than he had wanted to share. “The Templars have been good to me, I’m sure your mom informed you already that I’m up for a Knight-Captain promotion in the next year.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah…the girl at the Chantry, Lysette, she was a former Templar that works in community outreach. We saw each other for a few months, but she wanted to get more serious and I’m too invested in my work so I broke it off. If I get the promotion that’s a guaranteed move so I didn’t want to be more tied down than I needed to be.”

Idalya nodded in agreement as rubbed the edge of her mittens together, to bring more warmth into her thin fingers. “I understand. Attachments can be difficult when you’ve given your whole life over to your career.” They sat in uncomfortable silence as the show deadened the world around them.

“Well, I’ve brought this mood down.” Barris elbowed her in the side gently. “Tell me, how are you and Alistair doing?”

As Barris finished helping her pack her car all those years ago to leave for Denerim, he had held her door for her as she’d gotten inside, and shut the door firmly. They had both smiled and nodded through the glass, Barris reaching out and let his fingers trace down the edge of the glass as he turned and started walking away before a voice stopped him.

“Come with me.” Her voice had sounded fragile. “There’s a circle in Denerim, we could be roommates. Come on, Delrin,” she was nearly pleading, “you’re my best friend. Think of the adventures we could have in such a big city!” He would remember forever how she looked at that moment. So hopeful, her eyes shining and lighting up the night around them. He panicked, her words had brought forth a confusing mix of emotions that he didn’t understand as he stared into her eyes.

“I can’t, my life is here.” The words had passed over his lips before he registered them and in the moment the spell was broken and the light faded from her eyes as she solemnly nodded and rolled her window back up. Barris had stood by the edge of the road as he watched her car exit their neighborhood to head to the Imperial Highway. As her car turned the corner he understood then that he had made the greatest mistake of his life. He suddenly understood the war of emotions he had had at her words: he was in love with Idalya Mahariel and had been his entire life. He had stood in the spot for hours afterwards putting everything in the brief chance that she wouldn’t listen and would come back for him.

The next day he had approached his Captain and put in the paperwork for a transfer which would take months to approve. But two weeks before that Santilia, he had gotten his wish and had his transfer paperwork in hand as a surprise for Idalya when she was due for her long overdue return home for the holiday. He had stayed close to the front window of his family’s home for all the festivities as he kept an eye on the modest one floor home kiddie corner to his parent’s house. Sometime just after nightfall he had heard the familiar rattle of her car engine down the road and a grin spread across his face as she spotted her crappy two door red sedan pulling into her mother’s driveway. Before the car was even parked her mother had run out of the house and the two women were hugging each other as they cried.

Barris was so mesmerized watching Idalya and her mother reunite that he had missed the passenger door of the car open and a tall and broad man with hair the color of rust had stepped out and moved toward the two women. Idalya had pulled back from her mother to introduce the man and her mother grabbed him and brought them all into a giant hug as Idalya’s joyful laugh had filled the neighborhood streets.

Hours later Barris was sitting out in the cold on the top of the hill where the playground that Idalya and him had played years as children. Part of him was full of regret that he should have said something to her the day she left and another part of him was filled with anger at himself that he ever could have fantasized that could be with a woman anything like Idalya. He hadn’t been blind to the looks she received at school from members of both genders. She was beautiful and talented and a harder worker than anyone he had ever known. Idalya lived her life through her dreams and she deserved only the best and Delrin would never consider himself that.

He hadn’t even noticed that she had followed him up the hill until she had flopped down next to him. She had cut her long silver hair to her chin and was wearing denim jeans and a simple fitted leather jacket, she looked older than the naïve girl who had left Lake Calenhad a year ago, but the was a new found sense of joy in her features. Barris couldn’t phrase the complexity of his words and sat mutely next to her as she examined him.  


“So I drive all the way across this country to see my best friend for Satinalia and I find him hiding in our childhood stomping grounds. I’m sensing holiday disturbances in the Barris residence.”

“No.” He choked out before clearing his throat. “I just needed some time to myself.”

“You didn’t come by to see me, I set a plate at the table for you and waited and when you never appeared I got worried.” Idalya said quietly. She kicked the stones absentmindedly below her feet as she avoided his gaze while waiting uneasily for his response.

“I didn’t want to interrupt since you had company…” Barris couldn’t even string the words together that he feared to say.

“Alistair? Oh Delrin, I should have warned you I was bringing the boyfriend home for Satinalia, but you are always welcome wherever I am. You know that right? I might spend my time in Denerim with him, but when I come home my time is for you and my mom. You two are my family and that’s who I’m spending my holidays with.”

Barris gulped and looked down as Idalya had reached out and taken his hand during her speech her long thin fingers curling around his rough ones. She squeezed his hand in emphasis of her words and he numbly nodded as he met her eyes, her words slowly sinking into him. 

They spent the remainder of the night sitting on the hill talking about their lives apart. Idalya had instantly been successful and found a group of friends quickly after joining University. She had met Alistair, a Templar Academy dropout, first in the Social Justice club on campus then when she had walked into her Debate club meeting and seen the redhead already seated, she had smiled before taking a seat across the room, but it was when he arrived at her Dalish heritage club meeting looking lost and bashful she couldn’t help but laugh at the man’s attempt to get her attention and asked him out for coffee as his cheeks had burned nearly as red as his hair. They had been inseparable since that day. Idalya had brought him home for the holidays not due to their level of seriousness, but that he was an orphan and it killed her the thought of him spending the holidays alone.

Years later as Alistair graduated from the Denerim PolyScience program and began to pursue a career in politics, scandal had rocked his first campaign as it was revealed that he was the illegitimate son of Maric Therein, one of the former leaders of Ferelden. Alistair might have still been an orphan, but he was now a very wealthy one. He had been aiming for city level positions in government, but since news of his birth had spread major political parties had been trying to talk Alistair to make a bid for much larger offices due to the weight of his name alone much less that he was someone that the common Fereldeners could relate to.

Barris listened to her stories then told her of his experiences working with mages through the Kinloch Circle. Retelling funny anecdotes and other adventures that occurred when working around magic like when the cooks pantry had been enchanted so that any bread stored inside would run away down the halls to the dormitory and the great hunt for baked goods that had ensued, it felt like the last year hadn’t happened. It was comfortable just sitting here with her telling each other about the first year of their lives that they hadn’t spent together.  The hours had grown long and the sky across Lake Calenhad had started to grower lighter with shades of red and orange tinting the water so it looked like flames were clawing their way out. Idalya yawned from her spot laying against Barris’ arm.

“I should get home before Mom wakes up.”

“Mhmm.” Barris’ eyes were becoming heavy after being awake for nearly a day straight.

“Will I see you before I go?” He could barely handle the mixture of hope and sadness in her voice as she asked the question. Barris had volunteered to take shifts at the Circle on Satinalia so other Templars could be home with their families and children to celebrate.

“No, I’ve got to head into the Circle in a few hours.”

“Oh, okay. I guess this is it then.” The disappointment was clear in her tone and Barris reached into his pockets fingering the transfer request that he had shoved angrily into his pocket hours earlier. He had run over the scenario a million times since he had picked up the paperwork from the Knight-Captain, but in none of his scenarios had he imagined that Idalya would move forward so quickly in her life while he was still living his life exactly the same just much more miserable without her. He should have seen it coming though, she was adaptable to any situation and he was consistent and dependable. They had always balanced one another in their friendship and now he found himself wondering if he had held her back all these years.

“This was…good.” He managed to stumble out. “Next year? Same time, same place?” He finally met her eyes and it was nearly the undoing that would have caused his mouth to open a torrent of forbidden words that could never see the light of day would come tumbling out. Her smile was blinding as threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. Barris wrapped his arms around her and squeezed as he willed all those words back into their internal hiding places and she let out a small yelp followed by a laugh that echoed down the hill as realized how firmly he had been holding her and that had been all. They had walked silently down the hill together and parted on their street to walk to their respective homes. Pausing at their front doors they held eye contact briefly across the street before entering their homes for holiday celebrations. Barris casually dropped the transfer paperwork into the burning fireplace of the living room as made his way back to his room without acknowledging his parents who sat quietly in their chairs watching Good Morning Ferelden with confused looks upon their faces.

But true to their words, every Satinalia Eve, Barris and Idalya spent the night sitting above the neighborhood sharing the lives they experienced without one another and as the sun rose they said goodbye for another year apart. They had developed their own rituals for the night, every year Barris would provide his mother’s hot chocolate and Idalya would provide the booze she often drank too much of. It wasn’t much, but for Delrin Barris it was almost enough. She might be with Alistair 364 days a year, but on this one night it was just them and their memories and to him it was everything.

“Delrin? Del? Are you listening?” Idalya’s voice broke him out of the mental walk through his memories. He could barely remember what they had been talking about before he had decided to partake in the painful stomp through memory lane.

“Of-of course,” he stammered from being caught off guard. “I’m just thinking about what you said.”

She sighed and rolled her shoulders as she attempted to work the cold out that was digging into her joints deeply. “I know, it’s still crazy to me too. I guess I never looked that far forward with him otherwise I would have seen this ending coming a mile away.” Delrin paused as he replayed her words over and over again in his head. He had to be hearing this wrong.

“You and Alistair are completely finished?” He dared not hope at what her answer would be. Barris might have loved her, but most importantly he was her best friend and he had never been anything but supportive of her relationship with Alistair. He was a decent man that had made her happy and nearly worshiped the ground she walked on so as far as Barris was concerned, he had no problems with the man that had been by her side every day for nearly a decade.

 “Yeah. I made the decision for him since I knew he would never do it. Him running for lead office is the right decision, he’ll be a great leader and people believe in him. It he can’t do that with an elf by his side- so be it. He’s right for Ferelden even if he’s not right for me.” Her voice was quiet as she stared at the piles of snow building up on the tips of her boots.

Barris wanted to kick himself for being an asshole. Here he was hoping silently for the worst when his best friend was obviously in pain and he had had no idea. He reached his arm out and pulled her into his arms and she fell into his embrace with no resistance.

“I’m so sorry, Dal.” He whispered into the thick hood covering her head.

“It’s okay, it really is.” Her voice was thick with emotion as she clung tight to him. “I’m just glad I have you and Mom to return home to. I really do miss this.”

After her tears had cleared, they had resumed their normal position sitting arm to arm watching the snow bury the footsteps they had created in their hike up the hill. Even with the rough start, they fell back into their routine conversation as they always did. She shared stories of intrigue and corruption that she fought from within the Ferelden government and he shared stories of whipping new Templar recruits into shape.

As the sun began to make its slow descent into the sky Barris knew their time was drawing to a close. There was now more snow than he’d seen in his entire life in Ferelden. If people were horrified by the few inches of snow they fell asleep to, they would be waking up in sheer panic at the winter postcard they were now living in. Barris reached out and took Idalya’s mittened hand in his own as they made the treacherous walk back down into town. The last third of the hill Idalya inadvertently sledded down after slipping on ice and sliding on her ass down the remainder of the hill.

Barris helped her up out of the snow as she laughed so hard tears were being squeezed out of the corners of her eyes. Rolling his eyes jokingly as he reached down for her, he was met by an unwelcome face full of snow as her laughter continued to grow in volume. Sputtering, he wiped the snow off his face and reached down and grabbed an armful of snow next to Idalya’s head and dropped it swiftly onto her head. Now it was him that was holding his sides laughing as she shrieked and tried to pull the snow out of her hood and jacket. She gracefully jumped to her feet and two eyed one another suspiciously for a moment before Barris put up his hands up in defeat and leaned forward and pulled her into a hug.

Barris knew he was holding her too long in the hug, but it was cold and after the strength of the booze that he had consumed he couldn’t be bothered to care. It was Idalya that pulled back first and rested her hands on his chest.

“Thank you Delrin. It’s been a rough few months and I needed this.” He nodded understandingly and placed the lightest of kisses on the top of her head before taking her gloved hand back in his and walking her back to their street hand in hand. They paused at their usual parting spot between their two homes.

“So…next year, same time, same place?” He joked continuing their inside jokes from the past nine years.

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss…” She paused and looked him in the eyes. “If you get your promotion you won’t be here next year, would you?”

“I…I…hadn’t thought about that,” and he hadn’t. He was so focused on making it to Satinalia Eve that he hadn’t registered that leaving to be a Knight-Captain meant he was probably never return home. Knight-Captains didn’t get vacation time or have lives outside of their jobs- that why Barris was such a great candidate for the promotion. “I suppose no, I wouldn’t return for Satinalia.”

Her eyes became glassy as she took in his words. “I understand.” She said finally. She squeezed his hand one more time through their thick gloves before withdrawing her hand. With a smile and nod she turned and carefully chose her steps and she made her way through the deep snow across the street to her mother’s modest home.

The realization that this could be the last time he might ever see Idalya again came crushing down in his chest. His feet were numb from the cold and shock and he couldn’t move towards her no matter how hard he willed it. His threw his hood back from his head in frustration.

“Idalya, I love you.” The words were out before he even knew he had uttered them, but they were the right ones for once.

She paused, her hand still on the knob of her the front door. Barris’ heart was nearly beating out of his chest as he waited for her to respond, but when she finally turned he sighed in relief as she had a smile on her face and the beginnings of tears falling from her eyes.

“I love you too, Delrin.” They stood there motionless as a decade of what-ifs and missed opportunities passed between them until they were left with nothing but this moment. She chuckled quietly to herself while shaking her head and Barris knew exactly what the complexity of emotions she was feeling at that instant felt like. She raised her hand in farewell, his vision of her being blurred by the snowflakes still falling heavily around them, before she disappeared through the door into the darkness of the home leaving Barris alone again on that empty street on Satinalia. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holiday Update! Wooooo! I freaking love this story and I'm so glad that I'm updating it this week! You'll get this chapter today, then the next coming up in two or three days and possibly a 4th chapter, if my word count gets out of hand. I'm also going to run another editing pass the very first chapter again when once I have access to a computer consistently. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

Time had ceased to function properly as Delrin had been staring at the ceiling for hours. After entering his home, numbly he hung his winter clothes and continued stripping down layers of icy clothing before sliding his weary legs into the insulated sleeping bag on the floor of his brother’s room. He had been exhausted when he’d arrived home, but sleep had evaded him as the sun had fully risen above Ferelden. All he could picture as his emerald eyes closed was a pair of lavender ones surrounded by thick black lashes and the sound of her voice as those words had crossed her frozen lips: “ _I love you too, Delrin.”_

At the time his heart had set ablaze as her confession had breathed life into his weary bones, but now hours later left alone in the burning warmth of his home, he found himself questioning her meaning as he replayed her words repeatedly trying to decipher any hidden meanings he could. Her loving him wasn’t something he questioned since they had known each other their entire lives, but could Idalya be _in love_ with him? She was perfection on two feet, while he was flawed greater than he’d admit out loud. Never once in their years of Satinalia celebrations did he ever dare hope that she held feelings that resembled his own. She truly cared for Alistair and because of that Delrin had promised himself that he would never stand in the way of her happiness, but as those words had been uttered and drifted away in the chilled air, any semblance of a normal life that Delrin had was shattered into pieces.

Panic set into his soul the longer he laid on the ground staring at plastic constellations hanging from the plastered ceiling. What if she had misunderstood his words as he confessed the love he had hidden within himself for as long as he could remember? Her response could have been her simply reciprocating the love of their friendship that she thought he was expressing. It hadn’t been long since she’d called things off with Alistair, and here he was declaring his love for a women a million times greater than himself at the first opportunity that presented itself. What kind of friend was he to do that? Or if she believed him, what if she thought he’d been friends with her all these years just waiting for this moment?

He reached back to grab his cell phone from where it was plugged into the wall to charge. 7:28am. Two more minutes and he could get up, shower, get ready for work and try and put all of this behind him. At least the Circle could keep him distracted until he knew she had packed her car up and returned to Denerim, where she belonged. 7:29 AM. He realized he was staring at the phone screen, but at this moment, he needed anything to keep his mind distracted. The routine would save him- provide a familiar sense of comfort as he went through the motions for a job that he’d done for over a decade now. 7:30AM. Thank the Maker. As his alarm started to ring, the phone buzzed, its screen lighting up brightly in his face as his thumb slid across the notification, opening the texting app.

_Rylen: Hey buddy, Circle is snowed in. Gregoire is keeping the current crew on until the snow melts, so congrats on your extended vacation._

Delrin scowled at the message. So much for keeping with his usual routine. The phone buzzed again.

_Rylen: On the plus side, with the OT I’ll be making, I can finally afford that ring for Lilly. :P_

_Barris: Poor Lilly._

_Rylen: :/_

_Barris: Kidding dude, I’m sure you’ll make her…happy or something. I’ll talk to you later._

He would apologize to Rylen later. His mind was so lost he couldn’t even be happy for his best friend over possibly getting engaged. Frustrated with the turn of events, he powered off his phone as he rolled to his stomach, pressing his face down into the fluffy pillow with the hint of Andraste’s Grace from his mother’s fabric softener. The thought of being stuck home for a few more days having to relive his mortifying experience every time his eyes glanced the street outside was not a comforting thought. Maybe he could call up friends outside the city and stay there until Idalya left home for the holiday and headed back to her life that didn’t include him. It was better this way- it really was.

He could never say out loud how embarrassed he was becoming of his drunken behavior last night, but he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if as he’d dragged her out of the snow last night instead of placing a kiss on the top of her head, he had leaned down placing his lips finally against her frozen ones. _Stop it, Delrin. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking this way._ Closing his eyes against the pillow, he thought over the training he still needed to complete before accepting a Knight-Captain position. He retraced the steps until he found his eyes growing heavy with the sleep he desperately needed at this point that could help clear his mind.

*****

 

Delrin’s eyes flickered open to the bright daylight now drifting around the edges of the curtains. He stretched his arms above his head with a groan from his stiff muscles from the solid floor beneath his bones. Rising out of the sleeping bag, he grabbed a white t-shirt and jeans out of his bag, throwing them on, before wandering barefoot out into the hall to meet his family for the holiday. It had been a long time since he’d been home on an actual holiday since he volunteered to work them all for the extra money since he had no other plans, which was something that had quickly driven a wedge in his brief relationship with Lysette.

Entering the living room, his father had the daily paper up in front of his face reading while his brother was glued to his iPhone, unaware of anything else happening. Delrin wandered by without acknowledging the two men as he entered the kitchen where his mother was preparing the beginning of a feast that would need many hours to cook.

“Morning Ma,” he mumbled as he wandered over to place a kiss at the temple of busy woman as she smiled while prepping the turkey.

“Good morning, my sunshine.” She returned as he grabbed a mug down from the cabinet, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He couldn’t be bothered to sweeten the source of caffeine as he sat down in the kitchen chair opposite where his mother was cooking. The window to his left pointed directly towards the Mahariel house and he couldn’t make himself look in that direction as he tried to forget how she looked standing on the front porch as those cursed words had passed her lips.

“Del?” He looked up startled, he was so lost in his mind he hadn’t heard his mother trying to speak to him.

“Sorry, Ma, just lost in thoughts. Do you need help?” He offered as he saw how many ingredients she had sitting out for dinner that was quickly filling all open spots on the kitchen counters.

“Oh no, I’ve got this handled all right. I was worried about you. Is everything alright?” His mother’s eyes were filled with concern as she watched him over her shoulder as she stuffed the turkey with her famous homemade dressing.

“Yeah. Maybe? I’m sure everything is fine.” It was a poor answer that he knew she would call him on, but he never had it in him to lie to his mother.

“Oh…” She uttered, her brows creased as she turned back to her work. “I thought maybe you and Dal were fighting.” That was a surprising answer he hadn’t expected.

“Why would you think that, Ma?” He asked as he knocked back the rest of his first of many cups of coffee that day.

“Because of her waiting outside then leaving. I just assumed you two were fighting.” _Because of her waiting outside._ He jumped from his chair as he ran to his mother’s side.

“What do you mean she was waiting outside?” He glanced quickly out the front window to see that the porch was empty.

His mother pulled her hands from the turkey as she made her way to the sink. “When I got up first thing this morning, Dal was sitting out on the front landing freezing. I invited her to come in, but she said she was waiting for you. She waited for an hour then when I went to check on her, she was gone.” _She was waiting for you._

His feet broke into a run as he scrambled down the hallway into his brother's room, sliding across the floor as he tried to grab his phone, still plugged in on the charger. His clumsy fingers struggled with the buttons until the phone began to power itself on.

“Come on, come on, come on.” He mumbled as he started feeling nauseous as the phone took its sweet time getting started. When it was finally on, his thumb threw the home screen off as he waited for the phone to update. As its refreshing stopped, the phone was still, sitting in the palm of his now sweating hands. He sighed as nothing happened and he dropped his phone back on top of the sleeping bag in disappointment as he turned to head back to the kitchen to ask his mother more questions.

**Buzz**

Delrin’s feet skidded across the floor as he turned to grab the phone, now completely panicking.

**4 missed messages**

_Idalya: Hey Del, we need to talk. [8:04am]_

_Idalya: I’ll meet you outside your house in 5? [8:05am]_

8:05? He had still been awake, just lying on the floor trying not to think about her as she was waiting outside for him. How did he always manage to screw things like this up?

_Idalya: I understand if you don’t want to speak to me, I’ll wait a few more minutes then go. [9:10am]_

An hour. She had sat outside his house for an hour just waiting for him while his phone was off and he slept to clear his mind of her.

_Idalya: I’m sorry if I misunderstood. If I don’t see you next year, congratulations on your promotion, you deserve it._

Him deserving that promotion was an understatement- he was an over-focused idiot that had no life outside the Circle. Work was his entire life every day except Satinalia Eve when he only belonged to her. His knees were wavering as he stood staring at her final message. _I’m sorry if I misunderstood_? Could that mean what he thought it could? What if there was some small chance she felt the way he did? His limbs moved with a mission of their own as he collected his clothes putting on additional layers of warmth, preparing himself for the freezing temperatures outside. As he dressed, he didn’t realize where his feet were taking him, until he was walking back out to the living room to slide his snow boots back on. When he looked up, his mother was blocking the front door with a thermos in one hand and a set of keys in the other. He looked at the keys suspiciously as he looked back up at his mother, whose eyes were filled with an unfamiliar emotion than he was used to seeing from her.

“What are those for?” He zipped up his heavy winter jacket and pulled the thick hood over his head.

“You’re going after her, I assume.” She stated as Delrin realized the room had become quiet as his father and brother were now watching the scene unravel in front of them.

“Yes, I have to apologize and explain myself. I…” His mother stopped him, not needing to hear the details.

“I just got off the phone with her mother, she left early to head back to Denerim. She should be home soon.” _Home._ That life she lived completely independent of him. Running away from pain was a classic Idalya move, he should have known the minute he saw her texts that he would find her red couple missing from the driveway. He hesitated before reaching out to take the keys from her. He drove a simple two-doored car that got him back and forth from the Circle but was way underpowered to handle itself through that much snow. His mother held the keys to his father’s 4-wheel drive pickup they used for the family business. “Be safe.” She whispered as she pressed the set of keys into his palm. “The Highway has been cleared, but it’s rough getting there. You better get going if you want to make it there by nightfall.”

Delrin reached out taking his mother within his arms tightly, she was more than he deserves. No wonder he had chosen the woman he had to love when he had grown up with the greatest example of what a woman could be. Of course, there was no one else that Delrin could find room for in his heart when these two women had captivated him his entire life. “I love you, mom.” His father and brother might be reserved and cold appearing people, but he was fortunate to take after his mother that he didn’t feel like feelings and emotions were a curse to deal with.

“I love you too, son. Say hi to her, for me.” He squeezed her tighter, thanking her wordlessly for always supporting his crazy ideas and never judging him even though she could clearly see the pining of his heart all these years. Finally letting her go, he threw the thermos under an arm as he put his phone in his pocket and made his way out the door.

He was in for a miserable drive, but maybe…just maybe, the end result would make it worth it. Even if she didn’t feel the same way for him, he couldn’t let their friendship end on this note. Whatever, it took, he would find a way to make it up to her.

*****

 

The sun had set hours ago in the sky as he pulled into the valet parking outside Tethras Towers. The snow was still lightly coming down, blanketing the already silent city as everyone sane stayed inside trying to keep warm. The building was known for having some of the best security in all of Denerim, since Varric Tethras, the most famous author of the modern Thedas era had purchased the building and moved into the penthouse to gain some privacy from his overly-adoring fans. The doorman tipped his hat as he approached, his cheeks reddened from the cold that matched the red velvet of his uniform even while standing under a heating vent outside the condominiums.

“Merry Satinalia!” The doorman exclaimed as he made it finally made it to the front doors where a wave of roaring heat was descending from the ceiling to keep the entryway dry.

“Same to you, sir. Is Miss Mahariel in?” He handed his keys off to the doorman with a twenty note folded next to them. The man nodded with a smile looking at the bundle of flowers clutched awkwardly in his other hand as he opened the front door. He knew they weren’t Dal’s favorite flowers, but in the middle of a blizzard, they’d have to do for his apology. The one convenience store still open in the storm had shocked him, but it had provided a hot cup of coffee and the flowers that he desperately hoped would earn him the door open long enough to blurt out his speech before she shut the door in his face.

“It just your luck, the lady returned within the hour.” He smiled as he passed through the doors. Maybe something would work in his favor today. He’d been worried, he’d arrived at the building before her, but time was on his side for once.

He unbuttoned his winter jacket as he walked through the lobby. It felt like all of Denerim was asleep while the skies kept dropping the snow upon them. This wasn’t how he was used to spending his holidays, but if his speech went well then maybe this night could end on a better foot. He knew she was going to be angry that he showed up unannounced. For hours, he’d tried calling her, but it had gone immediately to voicemail as she’d ignored his desperate pleas. He didn’t blame her. He’d spent close to a decade not saying what was in his heart. Had it been deceitful? Yeah. Had he meant harm by it? Never. Patience he had thought was the answer that would heal the nagging voice in his head, but instead, he found himself on Satinalia riding through the snow to apologize for not saying anything sooner.

The floors of the elevator passed increasingly slowly as the narrow room with its velvet decorated walls climbed the innumerable floors of the building. At floor 27, the elevator slowed, then the doors opened slowly to reveal a long hallway where the door he searched was at the far end. The realization that her wrath awaited him on the other side of the side, significantly slowed his feet as he progressed down the hall slowly repeating lines in his head. _Dal, I’m so sorry… Please let me explain. I’m so sorry I never told you._ He prepared himself for her anger, part of his love for her was her fire and her drive to fight for the things she cared about, though very few times in all the years he had known her had it been directed at him- something he was grateful for.

He stood silently at the heavy wooden door as he tried to will his arm up to knock on the door. When he’d decided to come speak to her face to face, he had been filled with so much conviction, but now all he felt was doubt and fear running through his veins. His rapping knock echoed through the hallway as he cringed at the sound, as he held the bundle of flowers up in front of the peephole to block his guilty face. There was a minor shuffle behind the door before silence followed, he could practically hear her smiling as she saw the flowers with her own eyes. The door unlocked and he breathed a sigh of relief, as he saw the knob turn as the door opened finally.

His heart skipped a beat as he laid eyes on her. She was dressed early for bed in an old Denerim University t-shirt and sleep pants, her hair in a high bun on top of her head, but her eyes looked swollen like she’d been crying for a long time and it broke his heart as newfound guilt rushed through him. One corner of her lips was raised in a smile as her teeth softly bit the other corner as the door fully opened. He pushed the flowers out into her hands and noticed that her expression faltered slightly as their eyes finally met. She broke eye contact with him as she straightened her posture.

“Hi.” He had to break the silence, it was his first instinct to babble incessantly until he said something stupid.

“Hey.” Just the sound of her voice tore at his heart. What wouldn't he give to speak the way she did to people? She was a brilliant lawyer because of her ability to sway judges and juries; whereas, it would always be something he’d struggle with.

“Can I come inside? We need to talk. I swear, talking is my only goal.” She looked conflicted as she still didn’t meet his eyes as she stared at the flowers clutched in her grasp.

Sighing heavily, she looked up and met his eyes with sadness filling her features as she motioned him through the door. “Fine, come on in Alistair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my story! If you enjoy these characters, please check out "Once & Again" found in the Idalya Mahariel Stories Series to read about them in their typical setting!
> 
> Also follow me on Tumblr for first news of updates and all the Dragon Age you can handle! http://kmandergirl.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dal and Alistair talk and an unexpected guest arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! I have almost the entire thing written so the rest will be posted quickly. I've broken it down into smaller chapters so they're not so massive. 
> 
> Enjoy everyone!

Alistair and Dal sat silently across the dining room from one another. He knew that this was her attempt to let him talk first, but every time he tried to open his mouth, nothing would come out.

“I’m going to get some water. Would you like anything?” He croaked out before a blush ran over his cheeks and neck as she chuckled quietly from the other side of the table.

“Whiskey. Neat.” She rested back in the chair looking out the patio door across the metropolis of Denerim currently blanketed in a sea of white fluff.

Opening the cabinet where her liquor was kept, he frowned as he saw how sparse her supply was. When times were difficult, she would push others away, drinking herself to oblivion at night alone as she was surrounded by stacks of work. After her drink was poured, he opened the refrigerator and his presumptions were correct that the shelves were bare other than an old take out container that smelled suspect. He filled a glass from the tap before giving the lady her whiskey and resuming his seat.

“Thanks. So, you wanted to talk?” Her eyes were cold as she looked at him and he couldn’t help but feel like this was a bad idea.

“Yeah, words are not my _thing._ ” He stumbled out. “I…I miss you, Dal. Not just _us_ , but you, your family; what it meant to have a family on Satinalia. Even if…” Did he even want to say the words out loud now? Maybe it was better to get up and leave and pretend this didn’t happen. “Even if we’re not together, you’ll always be my family. I…I just wanted you to know that.” He knew his face probably matched the crimson of the flowers he had brought her.

It was so embarrassing to come groveling as his ex’s house about how much he missed spending the holidays with her. When they had been newly dating, she had insisted he come home for Satinalia with her and wouldn’t take no for an answer. It had been the best day of his life. Spending that night, watching Satinalia movies with her and her lovely mother before opening presents had filled him with a joy he hadn’t known could exist within families. His uncle Eamon had deposited him at Chantry school for boys when he was just a young child, labeling him as troublemaker and ruffian. He never knew how much it could mean to be part of a family like that until it was gone.

This whole season had crawled by him as he tried to focus on how to implement campaign promises once the season had passed and he was sworn in to his new position. Oh, how he had tried not to think about her or how she was doing. Her face was well known in the city that he saw her on television just enough to keep the wound fresh as he tried to build a life away from her that he should have known was coming a long time before it happened.

“You didn’t come here to plead me to take you back?” A curious brow was raised as she assessed whether he was telling the truth or not.

“If I thought that would have worked, I would have tried it months ago. But no, I see now that you made the right decision for both of us that I was too naïve to see.” He dragged a hand through his hair destroying the styling he had attempted to do with his stubborn locks. “I just wanted to tell you that you’re my family and it’s Satinalia, and I wanted you to know how much all the time you allowed me to be part of your family meant to me.” She pressed her fist against her mouth as tears started to form in her lavender eyes. 

“Oh Dal, I’m so sorry. Don’t cry!” She shook her head as she angrily wiped the tears that refused to quell.

“No, it’s not you. _Family_ is just a sore spot right now.” She muttered, before grabbing her glass and knocking back the rest of her liquid lifeline. “I have a terrible habit of falling for guys that require a lot of reading between the lines, which apparently I’m not very good at.”

Cautiously, he rose from his chair as he walked over and held out his hand to her. He smiled as she automatically slid her thin fingers between his own as he helped her to her feet. Wrapping his arms around her, he was shocked at how much thinner she was from the last time he had held her. Her cheek was resting against his chest as the tears continued to fall.

“Have you eaten?” He mumbled to the top of her hair. She shook her head against him, the white strands of her hair tickling against his nose. “That’s a terrible idea, you’re always cranky when you’re hungry.”

“I know.” She blubbered into his shirt as both laughed at their ridiculousness.

“Does that swanky restaurant in the lobby deliver on holidays?”

“I think so.” Her voice was clearer as she managed to gain some control over her emotions.

“I have an idea. You go throw on some Satinalia movies that we’ve watched a hundred times and I’ll call down and order us some Chinese. How’s that sound?” She looked at him, her eyes swollen and red.

“That sounds great, Alistair.” Using his thumbs, he wiped away the tears still remaining against her dark skin.

“Good, get yourself cleaned up because we have a marathon of crappy movies ahead of us.” She laughed, a loud and vibrant sound that echoed through the room, and as she left to start searching through the television channels, he grinned to himself as he grabbed her cordless phone.

He had shown up here expecting to be thrown out in the snow before he could begin to speak, and yet here he was ordering food and spending the holiday together with the family he so desperately was craving. Maybe groveling was the correct course of action, though he wasn’t blind that whatever else that happened to her had broken her down to where she’d be willing to listen to him before presuming he was there to beg for her to take him back. He was hoping that filling her with food and festive movies might get her talking about what was bothering her, but even if that’s all they got for the holiday- it was more than enough for him.

 

@@@@@

 

It was late, _so late,_ when Delrin finally pulled into the lot of the building where Dal lived. His mother hadn’t been lying when she said the highway was clear, but that getting there would be a mess. It had taken him over two hours just to get his father’s truck to the entrance of the Imperial Highway, a drive that would normally take five minutes from his parent’s house. Once on the highway, the drive was clear but was still slower moving than usual as everyone was wary of the patches of ice that could show up out of nowhere.

The snow was starting to fall harder as he jumped out of the truck. He had tried to call her for hours, his calls going straight voicemail until his phone’s battery had died a few hours ago on his drive across Ferelden. Every time he passed an abandoned vehicle on the side of the road he checked for the indicating markers of Idalya’s red coupe. That had relived some of his anxiety to know that no matter what happened, she had made it safely back home in this weather. The doorman’s posture was reserved as he eyed Delrin’s clothes suspiciously as he approached the front entrance.

“Hello, my friend lives here, Idalya Mahariel. Do you know what floor she lives on?” The doorman furrowed his brows as he listened to Barris.

“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t believe anyone lives her by that name. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” Barris grumbled as he pulled out his wallet and flipped to a photo of last Satinalia Eve with him, Dal, her mother, and Alistair, before holding it up to the guard whose eyes grew large. “My apologies, sir. We cannot be too careful with our tenants here.”

“It’s okay, what floor does she live on? It’s really important that I speak to her.”

“Floor twenty-seven sir, furthest door to the left. Happy Satinalia, sir.”

Delrin closed his eyes in the elevator as he tried to come up with a coherent sentence that he would say when, _if,_ she opened the door. He really should have anything prepared other than _I’m sorry,_ but he honestly couldn’t think of anything that would come close to expressing the level of emotion that was currently boiling over inside of him. Honestly, at this point, better or worse, he was just winging it.

His eyes snapped open in fear, as the elevator reached its destination. _This was it._ He took a deep breath as he stepped out into the hallway towards the far left as the doorman had instructed. Over ten years of hopes were waiting to be dashed as he made his way to the door. Once he was at a steady pace, he didn’t stop until he was knocking on her door, his breath held as he waited for the door to open. It was silent for 30 seconds, and he had almost turned to go as the lock disengaged on the door.

As the door opened, his heart sunk into his stomach as he found not Dal behind the door, but Alistair Therein. He was wearing fine quality slacks and a belt, _but that was it._ A kitchen towel was thrown over his wide shoulder across his bare chest.

“Delrin?! Maker! How are you doing buddy?” The man walked forward wrapping Delrin in a hug as the Templar felt uncomfortable in the man’s grip. Alistair was massive and broad, to a nearly inhuman level. Even though he had never become a fully-fledged Templar, he was certainly shaped like one and not a politician. “Come on in. Dal should be out of the shower in just a minute.” He stepped aside motioning him inside, where he could see a movie playing on the modest television she owned.

“I think I’m here on the wrong day,” Delrin mumbled unable to think of anything else. He was such a _fucking idiot_. She waited for him this morning to explain that she was getting back together with Alistair and he had jumped to conclusions before driving across the country to declare his love for a woman who wasn’t even available.

Alistair looked confused as he motioned him inside again. “Come inside. Dal will be excited to see you. It’s really quite a funny story as to why she’s in the shower, when…” But he couldn’t listen anymore. He turned and headed back to the elevator ignoring the man’s shirtless calls as he tried to avoid screaming out in frustration. How could someone be this bad at romance? He was terrible at this. He wasn’t attractive, famous, or wealthy like someone like Alistair. On top of it, the guy was kind, charming, and funny. All things that no one would accuse him of. By the time the elevator reached the bottom floor, he had lost all confidence that had brought him racing across the country.

Walking out the door, he completely ignoring the doorman. He needed to get as far away from here as he could this very minute. His feet carried him numbly as he walked out into the blizzard with no particular direction in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy this story, please check out Once & Again in the series since that's where these characters originate. 
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr and discuss O&A or Dragon Age! http://kmandergirl.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dal discovers who was at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this was late guys, I literally didn't get access to a computer all weekend to post the chapter! Next chapter will be up tomorrow night, followed the final chapter the next night. 
> 
> Thank you all for your patience! My computer woes should be ending shortly here!
> 
> I hope everyone had a wonderful Xmas! *mwah*

Dal sighed as she wrapped her long hair up in a towel before throwing it on top of her head. This day had gone nothing like she had expected. A day ago, she’d been sitting alone with Delrin in the snow just remembering how wonderful it felt to be near him, and now a day later she was back home, her heart broken over an innocent misunderstanding, with Alistair cleaning up in her living room after he had managed to break the container of sweet and sour pork everywhere over the table, himself, and her. It was a very fucking strange day, indeed.

She looked analytically in the mirror, as she pulled her under eye circles down on her reflection. She looked so much older than her twenty-eight years of age would suggest. Too much work, too much responsibility, and nothing to counterbalance it. Her work didn’t allow for friends or a social life, which she accepted as being part of the deal, but it was catching up with her in loneliness and her diminishing booze stash. She heard sounds outside the door but presumed it was Alistair talking to the Chinese food, as he was prone to do. Wiping down the steamed mirrors, she hung her towels before exiting back into the house, shivering as the cooler air traveled across her damp arms.

Alistair was sitting at the table, digging into his dinner, as she resumed her spot at the table. The man looked up and threw his hand up to get her attention as he finished chewing the huge mouthful of noodles he had stuffed in.

“You just missed the strangest thing ever.” He commented between bites of food.

“How so?” She grabbed the container of chow mein off the table and began heaping her portion on her plate.

“Delrin Barris was just at the door.” She froze.

“What did you just say?” She felt like she was about to have a heart attack.

“Delrin knocked at your door, I answered, then he made some excuse about he was here at the wrong time and took off. Totally strange.” Alistair continued scooping noodles into his mouth. _Oh no._ She jumped up from the table.

“Where did he go?” She knew she sounded panicked, but she was- she was _fucking panicking_ right now.

“I assume, he left. Is everything okay, Dal?” She sprinted to the door, looking out into the hallway, as she ran to the elevator, she saw that the elevator that had left her floor was almost at the lobby.

“No!” She screeched, punching the smooth metal of the door. She hit the call button and covered her face as she tried to keep the tears from falling. This day was fucking insanity and it was about to break her. When a lifetime later, the elevator dinged and opened, she rushed inside slamming the _lobby_ and _door close_ buttons. She held her breath as the elevator climbed down the length of the building until she saw the lobby open in front of her and she ran towards the front door.

“The ….man….” Gasping at the doorman, he chuckled as he pointed ahead in the distance at a figure growing smaller within the storm. She ran out the entryway to the covered drop off point for valet.

“ _DELRIN!”_ She screamed out, but her voice was quickly absorbed by the howling winds that were sending spiraling snowflakes in all directions around her. Her hands grasped frantically at her pockets as she realized she had left her phone in the house and had run barefoot outside. She was barely dressed and freezing, but she had to make sure he didn’t leave without understanding what he had just seen. _Yes,_ it looked _really_ bad, but she had to explain and find out why he had come all the way here.

With a sharp inhale, she set off sprinting out into the snow after him. The chilling winds felt like a slap in the face against her moist skin as she kept running towards where she had last seen him heading down the street. She couldn’t lose him tonight, she just couldn’t. She had a terrifying feeling that if she wasn’t able to explain what he’d seen that their friendship could be over forever, which was something she couldn’t bear. Screaming out his name again, she sobbed as her feet kept carrying her on the snow and ice were aching with the cold and biting harshness. She kept going as her eyes desperately scanned the horizon for any sign of him among the business fronts and condominiums of Denerim, but he was nowhere to be found as the air all around was filled with falling pieces of ice.

Ahead in the fresh snow she spotted a pair of footprints quickly being covered from the blizzard, she pushed newfound energy through her limbs as she propelled herself around the street corner where they turned. Until she ran directly into a large, solid mass which felt like crashing her car into a cement wall. Her speed propelled them forward until she landed on something heavy that uttered a groan as her weight struck it.

“ _Maker…”_ she ground out through chattering teeth as pain radiated across her body. Breathing was her only focus for a second as her lungs gasped for precious oxygen, then her eyes popped open as she realized that the hard mass she had hit and bowled over in the middle of the street was Delrin Barris, himself.

“Ow.” Delrin uttered as he laid still on the ground. “You could have just called.” He croaked out as he grimaced from his back slamming down on the ice below.

“I forgot my phone.” Her words were mumbled to the warmth of his chest as she tried to summon the strength to lift her head and move off of the Templar.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense then.” He sounded unconvinced and confused, but he didn’t force her off into the unforgiving snow around them. Willing the whiskey running through her veins to work in her favor, she pulled herself up until her face was looking down at Delrin, his eyes widening at her close vicinity.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as sadness returned across the Templar’s features. He shook his hooded head lying in the snow at her.

“No, I get no right to walk into your life and make judgments about what I find. I shouldn’t have come here unexpected.” His emerald eyes met hers briefly, but he was trying to avoid looking directly at her.

“I’m glad you did.” He was surprised as his head turned to face her.

“Really?” She nodded as his lips parted slightly like he’s going was going to speak before he stopped himself.

“I need to ask you something and I need an honest answer.” Beneath her hands, she could feel his heart pounding harder as the impact of her statement took its course. He swallowed roughly as he nodded back at her, their eyes locked as she couldn’t make herself break the contact.

“You’re my best friend; I love you to pieces and I don’t question that you feel the same.” She paused as she studied his features from closer than she’d ever been. “Are you _in love_ with me, Delrin?” She wanted to regret the moment the words passed her lips, but she needed to know.

Barris closed his eyes as he pressed his lips tightly together until they were the lightest shade of pink. With a lighter complexion, she was sure his entire face would be flushed with anxiety at this moment. His heart was pounding so hard beneath her fingers, as she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to drift her frigid fingers over his burning skin and feel it beat directly into the palm of her hand. Taking a deep breath he reopened his eyes, now filled with emotion.

“ _Yes._ I am so sorry.” As his confession reached her ears, she suddenly felt her own heart deafening her as it roared through her head. _He loved her._ She didn’t imagine or misinterpret what had happened yesterday.

“How long?” He sighed as he reached up scratching a nervous hand against the side of a messy beard.

“Since the day you left for University. I realized as your car pulled away, but it was too late.” She bit her lips to keep the tears at bay as she watched him say the words he’d never spoken out loud. Unable to handle the weight of her feelings, she tucked her head beneath his chin as Delrin wrapped his strong arms around her, protecting her from the elements that were determined to bury them alive in the snowy city.

“I swear to you that I would never do anything to hurt you and I won’t stand in the way of you and Alistair. You deserve only the best, and he can give you that.” Her teeth started chattering loudly at his words and before she could interrupt what he was saying and tell him what had happened, she was being lifted until she was standing and Delrin stood beside her wiping snow off the back of his coat.

“We need to get you back to the house... _Are you not wearing shoes_?! What were you _thinking_ , Dal?!” He stared in horror at her bare feet as he quickly unzipped his coat to wrap it around her bare shoulders as she shuddered violently as the cold now fused quickly to her bones now that his warmth was no longer against her. She couldn’t control the shaking as she felt her wet hair freezing to her head.

Without hesitation, he picked her up in his arms, pulled the edges of his large jacket over her tucked-up legs so she could start regaining some warmth before reaching the building. Thanks to the interference of the snow, they weren’t far. Delrin took his steps carefully as he made his way back to her home. As he made it to the entryway, the doorman looked concerned until Dal lied and said she sprained her ankle and the guard let her through without further questions.

He set her down in the elevator as he wrapped his arms around her and his puffy jacket that she wore. His hand slid up and down her biceps as he tried to rub some warmth into her limbs. She desperately wanted to feel his hands against her skin instead of through the layers they always separated themselves with. She was so cold she could barely think straight. Her feet hurt _badly_ and she was surprised she hadn’t done more damage to herself by running out into the snow the way she had. The elevator that had taken a lifetime to go down, took mere seconds to rise to the floor and before she could step back and speak to him, the doors opened.

“Dal!” They were both startled as Alistair was standing at the door of the elevator, buttoning up a shirt that had a massive orange stain across the front as he slid on his shoes. “Are you okay?” She grimaced as the heat of the hallway met her exposed skin.

“She ran out after me in the snow,” Delrin answered for her as he continued helping her towards the door, as Alistair ran to get it open for him. The blaring heat from inside Delrin’s heavily lined snow jacket was already helping significantly to warm her back up, but there was a still a still in her bones that she couldn’t displace. Gently, he placed her down in the dining chair she had rushed away from, what felt like a lifetime ago.

“I’m going to take a bath.” She whispered through chattering teeth. “I’ll be back soon.” She struggled to stand on her feet as both men jolted forward to keep her from toppling over. “I’m okay, really. I just need to warm up.” Alistair slid his other hand along the small of her back as he helped her make the labored steps towards the bathroom, while Delrin stood back watching them walk away with a look of sadness in his eyes. She wanted to stop there and turn around, but she wasn’t sure anything she could say would be appropriate in front of Alistair. Her last glance as she turned into the bathroom, was Delrin standing next to the table in his relaxed jeans and white V-neck t-shirt that showed off the muscles he’d spent a decade forming in the Circle.

“Do you….need…” Alistair ran his hand through his ginger hair awkwardly as he looked everywhere around him, but at her.

“No,” she chuckled between the shudders of her body. “I’m just going to take a quick bath until I can get out, then I need to talk to Delrin. Thank you for the offer, though.” As terrible as his offer might have sounded, she knew it was made innocently, as the man nodded and left to go resume his meal that was now probably cold.

_Yes._ That was the plan: take a bath, collect her thoughts, ask to speak to him, tell him her feelings. She could do this… _probably_. Why was she so afraid? He had already admitted he loved her, so why was she holding back? Because she knew once she said she felt the same way that everything would change forever in their friendship. Her oldest friend- honestly, her only friend, and now she stood to lose him if things didn’t work out between them, or he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship. She had loved Alistair; yet, she had walked away because it wasn’t right path for either of them. When the bath had finished filling, she gasped removing her damp clothes. The water burned against her dark skin as she crawled inside, but she immediately felt herself warming internally. Once she de-thawed, it was time to say something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, it means so much to me. 
> 
> If you enjoy these characters, please read their origins in Once & Again that is in the Idalya Mahariel Stories series. 
> 
> Come hang out with me on Tumblr and we can talk O&A and Dragon Age! http://kmandergirl.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the last minutes of Satinalia wind down, Dal and Barris finally speak. 
> 
> NSFW-ish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! This was supposed to be two chapters, but I decided to give you guys a treat and just post it all as one giant one! 
> 
> There's still one more to go for this story, with some fun cameos so you'll see that in a day or two as I wrap up this story for good. 
> 
> For you Once & Again readers, Ev's return to Skyhold is about 75% written and needs a good edit so you should also see that by the end of the week. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience while I deal with computer issues!

The men sat silently across from one another at the table while Dal took her bath to warm her frozen bones up. Delrin was in complete shock now that she knew his secret he’d withheld from her all these years. He assumed that when she returned from her bath that she’d ask him to leave or offer to put him up in a local hotel, so he didn’t have to suffer the fate that was sleeping on her couch as she and Alistair retired for the night to share her bed. His self-control as a Templar had few weaknesses, but he immediately knew that would be one of them. Alistair was a good man, of that he had no doubts, but it would be better if his brain didn’t have visual fuel to drive him nuts with for the coming year.

“You should eat.” Alistair’s words came mid-bite through a mouthful of noodles as he gestured to the containers on the table. “I know Dal would want you to join us. Please, eat.” Barris nodded numbly as he grabbed an extra plate and fork from the side of the table. He really did need to eat, but it was so hard to focus on anything, but her. He wished he could go back and change his mind so that the words were never spoken as they had stood in the falling snow on the edge of Lake Calanhad. It had been a move of pure desperation as he realized his inevitable promotion would separate them, only this time for good.

“How’s the Circle been?” Barris shrugged as he dumped a pile of rice on his plate.

“Crazy as usual, and how’s politics?” He asked reaching for a container that held beef, vegetables, and some spicy sauce.

“Oh, you know…terrible.” He laughed. Delrin couldn’t help but smile at the guy’s honesty. In a different world, he really thought they could have been good friends. “I’m really in over my head, but that’s what my advisory team is for, right?” He confessed as he dumped, even more, noodles on his plate. Alistair rose from the table heading into the kitchen. “Can I grab you something to drink? Your choices are…” He combed through her cabinets. “ _Sweet Maker,_ Dal...whiskey, gin, or water? Apparently, that’s all she owns.” He creased his brow as he grabbed her cordless phone sitting beside him. He dialed three buttons before lifting the receiver to his ear.

“Hello, there. This is Alistair Therein calling from room 2710, I was wondering if I could make a purchase from your kitchen? Sure, I can hold.” He wiggled his mischievous brows at Barris while he waited for the person to return.

The food was _really_ good. That was an advantage of living in a building where you could order food and anything else you desired at any time of the night. He lived a simple life in comparison. A room at the Circle where he stayed during his week on, and a small studio apartment not far from the Prancing Pony Inn where he stayed on his weekends off when he wasn’t visiting his family.

“Hello? Yes, I’m still here. Thank you for taking my call, I have a strange question for you- how much would it cost to fill a liquor cabinet and refrigerator?” Barris chuckled from the table as he dug into his plate of food. Alistair pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, reading a number off a card to the man on the phone before hanging up and returning to his seat at the table.

“Okay, if you can wait five minutes, we’ll have a much better drink selection.” Alistair chuckled as he dove back into the massive pile of noodles.

“You’re a good man,” Delrin said between bites, he had been far hungrier than he had thought.

“Not even close,” Alistair said leaning back in his chair. “Just a very lucky and thankful man. You, on the other hand, you are truly a good man.” Barris laughed as he looked over at the man, who looked like he was considering loosening his belt after too many servings of Asian noodles.

“What makes you say that? I’m as boring as they come. You’re the politician trying to make the city a better place. I just keep mages from blowing themselves up.”

“An important and essential job too,” Alistair argued, weaving his fingers together behind his head. “But I meant being in love with your best friend the entire time I’ve known you and never once making a move on her.” Delrin choked briefly on his mouthful of vegetables as he swallowed loudly, before sighing and putting his fork down. He was so thankful for his dark skin right now that hid the massive flush of red that was now burning his face as the man spoke.

“I’m so sorry, I never meant…” he started. Alistair hadn’t struck him as being an observant man, but he had obviously underestimated him.

“No, Delrin. No apology needed. There was no accusation there. I knew the moment I met you all those years ago, but I saw how much more her friendship meant to you and it’s never bothered me for one moment in all the time I’ve known you.” Alistair motioned towards the bathroom where Dal was still bathing. “What happened?”

“This is so embarrassing,” Delrin mumbled before telling the man the truth. “She came home, we did our normal holiday routine, I had too much to drink, then realized it might be the last time I ever saw her, so I told her how I felt.” Alistair’s brows rose in surprise.

“The last time you’d see her?”

“Yeah, I’m probably accepting a Knight-Captain position in the new year, which would mean no more days off, no leaving the Circle…”

“No more Satinalias with Dal.” Alistair finished for him as Barris could only nod. “What did she say?” He couldn’t believe he was retracing his greatest embarrassment with Dal's boyfriend. Every time he thought he had hit rock bottom, the floor would open dropping him to a new level.

“I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too, then went home. I tried to tell her I was in love with her, and she thought we were just friends. Then in the morning she came by to break the news that you two were back together and I missed her messages. I somehow fooled myself that she could feel the same way and drove all the way across Ferelden on Satinalia just to make an ass out of myself. Yeah, that’s the entire story and I understand if you’d like to kick me out now.”

Alistair’s face had fallen as he watched the man. The tension was driving Barris nuts as the man sat there in silence until he heard the softest noise. It started quietly like a whisper in the distance, slowly growing louder until he realized it was Alistair laughing. The man’s body shook as he started laughing harder and even harder until he was wiping tears from his eyes, holding his full stomach in pain. Barris had been expecting violent anger from the man, so this was a surprising turn, to say the least.

“Oh, this is _classic.”_ He managed to get out between fits of laughter. “I haven’t laughed his hard in years. You two are _ridiculous_!” Alistair exclaimed as Barris couldn’t help, but glare at him. “I’m not sure how to say this without making your mortification worse, but…Dal and I aren’t together.”

His heart skipped a beat again as he heard the words. _Could it be true?_ If she and Alistair weren’t together, then why did she did she wait outside his house this morning? Hope is such a dangerous thing. The weight that had been crippling him since he’d arrived at her house was quickly lifting as his limbs filled with a tingling excitement.

“I totally owe Cullen a drink now,” Alistair mumbled as Barris looked at him in confusion. “My buddy Cullen, years ago I brought Dal to a party with some of my friends and when he mentioned to her that he was a former Templar, she launched into a tangent about her best friend was a Templar and he was the greatest man she’d ever known, and so on.” Barris stared down at his plate of food as the man continued. “Later that night Cullen grabbed me by the shoulder and told me it was too bad that it wouldn’t work out with Dal since she was a great girl. I asked him why and he told me ‘ _You can’t lose something you never really had’._ I didn’t understand what he was saying at the time, but it’s starting to come clear.”

Alistair rose from the chair as there was a knock on the door. Answering he returned with two massive paper bags, pushing a cardboard box full of booze with his foot.  “Could I get a hand, buddy?” Barris jumped up grabbing the box on the floor as Alistair placed the bags up on the counter. They worked in silence as they opened her bare cupboards and fridge and stocked the groceries inside until it appeared like a functional person lived there.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to take off,” Alistair announced while folding the paper bags up. “I have a very early morning meeting with my Uncle and more of my advisors.” He pulled his heavy jacket down off a hook next to the door. “I’ll text her, but let Dal know that it meant so much to spend the holiday together as a family and I hope we can do the same next year.”

“Of course,” Barris said, walking forward to shake the man’s hand. He smiled warmly at Delrin as he took his hand.

“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you guys, good luck.” The ginger-haired man winked as he opened the door and it closed behind him. Delrin thought he could breathe a sigh of relief, but now he found himself in even more distress at realizing it was just him and Dal in the house, so there was no distraction to keep them from talking. Whatever her feelings were, he would know them soon.

Like clockwork, he heard the bathroom door unlatch as Dal reemerged in clean pajamas, with her hair wrapped up in a towel. Her ebony skin had a magenta tinge from the heat her skin had absorbed, melting the ice within her. She looked around in confusion.

“Where’s Ali?”

“He actually just left, he apologized that he had an early meeting in the morning.”

“Of course, after I just spent half an hour in the bath trying to figure out how to get him to leave. I never thought I’d be impressed with his ability to know when you should make an exit. Wonders never cease today…” she whispered under her breath. She reached absentmindedly for her phone on the corner of the table as she pressed the power button on, as she sat down slowly in her chair that still had her barely touched food still on it.

“Want me to nuke that for you?” Delrin suggested as she stared at the plate as her phone booted up. She shook her head as her phone buzzed indicating that she had messages. Her thumb swiped the notification and she smiled as she read through them, before turning the screen off and placing the phone back on the table.

“I really need to eat, but then I’d like to talk. Does that work for you?” There was a nervousness he wasn’t used to hearing in her voice.

“Of course, Dal.” His dry throat croaked. “Can you I get you something to drink?” He offered, rising from the table.

“Unfortunately, you’ll have very few options, since shopping is something I don’t have time for.”

“Then I have a surprise for you!” Delrin joked as he opened the door of the refrigerator to unveil the full shelves of food and drink. Dal’s mouth fell open in surprise as looked at the packed appliance.

“Did robbers break in and fill my fridge while I was gone?” She exclaimed. He laughed as his closed the fridge door and reached to the side where her liquor cabinet door was.

“It was Alistair, I’m guessing it’s his Satinalia gift to you.”

“He always was a strange gift giver.” She admitted as she shoveled a fork full of food into her starving mouth.

“He also refilled your liquor.” He added as he swung the door open to reveal the full cabinet.

“ _My Hero._ ” She gasped in awe which caused him to laugh hard at her shock.

“What can I get you?”

“Double vodka, splash of cran?” She asked with a mouthful of food.

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” She laughed as he set about pouring her drink.

“Please, never call me _lady_ it’s terrible and makes me feel old.” He smiled as his back was turned from her. The fact that they could speak like they always did was comforting to him. He’d been terrified that once he had told her how he felt that everything would change. Their friendship meant more to him than he could put into words, and he feared he’d never be willing to risk it anything that could destroy it. Bringing back her drink, she was finishing her plate of food, as she slouched back in her chair with a groan.  

“Thank you.” She quickly lifted the drink to her lips where tipped back half of the pink tinted booze. “So, talking?”

“Yeah. We probably should.” She motioned towards the couch. He followed silently as they made their way to sit down on opposite ends of the piece of furniture. The two sat in silence as she kept taking gulps of her drink.

“I’m really not good at speaking.” He admitted as she chuckled lightly into her drink.

“I know, and you’ve already said your piece, how about it’s my turn?” He nodded as she continued. “Let me tell you a story, over ten years ago I packed up my shitty car and drove to University to start a new life, but before I went I begged and pleaded my best friend to come with me. I said I thought we’d make great roommates and that there’d be adventure, turns out that was a lie.” Delrin raised an eyebrow as she spoke, unsure why she would have lied to ask him to come with her all those year ago. “I was terrified that I didn’t know how to live without him. You see, this friend, he was my entire world, but he barely noticed me. I was just one of the _guys_ , you know.” An invisible fist gathered around his heart squeezing the air out of his system the longer she spoke

“All through high school, I desperately tried to catch his eye as more than friends, but alas, no success. So the day I left, I decided to take a gamble: _why not just tell him?_ If he wasn’t interested, no big deal, because I’d be gone all the time. So I went for it, and he turned me down, really hard. I sobbed the entire drive to school.” Her voice got quiet as her eyes drifted towards the burning fire in the mantle as she pulled the towel from her half-dry hair.

“I arrived at school and decided to make a fresh start. I would make a career out of my education and do something that really helped people. But then Satinalia would roll around and I would go home to spend the holiday with my family, and it would feel like I never left. For this one night a year, I got to imagine what it would have been like if there were no _what if’s_. I made friends, found a boyfriend who was a great guy and made a new life for myself in Denerim, but this friend was never really forgotten.”

“There were years when I think I’d convinced myself that our holidays together meant nothing. I think I truly believed the lies I told myself, but how could it ever just that with him, you know? As much as I craved and needed their friendship, there was another part of me screaming the entire time we were close and sometimes it took nearly the whole next year to recover from the pain of knowing that I didn’t make them feel the same way. But that one day a year I always returned because it meant more to me than anything else in my life.” She was still then as she stared into the fire.

Delrin nearly checked his pulse to see if he had died as she had spoken. _This has to be a dream._ There was no way she could feel the way about him that he’d always desperately craved, but here she was saying those very words out loud. He needed to speak, but the words could not come out. He also had no idea what to say to her. He hadn’t been lying when he said that speaking wasn’t his greatest skill. The light flickered from the fire highlighted her face where he saw that tears were forming in her eyes as she’d laid her soul bare to him. He moved along the couch until he was seated next to her, carefully sliding his shaking fingers in between hers. She looked down at their brown fingers intertwined, a hint of a smile appeared on her face before she turned to look up at him.

“What do we do now, Del?” She asked quietly as she searched within his eyes. Her expression softened as he used his free hand to push the loose pieces of wet hair behind her pointed ears. As his finger drifted accidentally over the edge of her ear as he pulled back, the softest of moans escaped past her lips, her eyes opening in surprise at her response.

Every feeling of fear that had been pumping through his veins quickly shifted to a burning that spread like wildfire over the course of his skin. His eyes moved between her eyes and lips as his ability to think was quickly thrown to the wayside as he became hyper-aware of her proximity to his now humming body. His thumb ran across the top of her hand and he felt her shudder, only this time not from the cold. His entire life by her side flashed in front of his eyes as he closed the divide between them. So many missed chances, so many misunderstandings; yet, here they were where they were meant to be all along.

He slid his thumbs along the length of her high cheekbones as she leaned into his touch, her soft lips parted as she panted. Delrin smiled as he felt per pulse beating like the wings of a hummingbird beneath the pads of his fingers. Her body shook as he drew her closer to him until his entire field of vision was filled with her eyes as he could see the separation of the colors had that always made her eyes look lavender.

“Are you scared?” He asked her quietly, her eyes wide as her body shook underneath his touch.

“I’m through with being scared,” she whispered, as she leaned closer to him so they were mere inches away from touching.

There was a smile on his lips as he closed the distance without the hesitation that had followed him like a curse every step of his life. As his lips finally met hers, he released the sigh he had been holding for years, as every ounce of his fear finally melted away. She was the oasis that he had found within the desert to quench his thirst. Her self-control quickly disintegrated as she moaned against his slow-moving lips that parted hers with such ease. Dragging her nails up the plains of his chest over his shoulders till her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, she pulled herself up into his lap as her pajama-covered legs straddled his. A smile pulled at the corners of her swollen lips at the groan he released into her mouth as she pressed every inch of her body she possibly could against his.

He knew he should slow down, they had a lot to talk about, but he couldn’t think straight as he felt himself quickly harden beneath the apex of her thighs. Finally removing his hands from her cheeks, he moved one into the base of her wet tresses, and the other slid slowly down the curve of her neck and collarbone over her shirt until his thumb slid over her hardened nipple. She gasped sharply into his mouth as she rolled her hips against him tightly. _Sweet Maker._ There was no saving him now. His interest in being responsible and talking everything through had gone up in flames as his disbelief that this was actually happening had evaporated away.

Using the hand in her hair, he angled her head so his tongue could probe deeper inside her mouth and her hips rolled against him again, as his other hand dipped down below the edge of her baggy shirt as his fingers drifted softly across the expanse of her skin. He nearly gasped at how incredibly soft she was under his touch as his fingers climbed their ascent until his hand cupped her breast and his thumb slid heavily across her unclothed nipple and she ground down repeatedly against him all while moaning uncontrollably.

He’d never felt like this in his life, to be entirely consumed with another person. All these years he thought he knew everything about her. Now realized how many things that he knew nothing about like the smell of her skin, the sounds she could make as her gyrating massaged him through his tented jeans, or the look in her eyes as they were full of desire. There were a million things he didn’t know about her, but oh, how he couldn’t wait to find them out. It turned out she had been correct that their life together would be an adventure, neither of them knew just how good it could possibly be.

_Knock. Knock._

“No.” She mumbled against his lips as she pressed her chest harder into his caressing hands.

“There’s someone at the…” her mouth cut him off as he groaned softly as her lips sucked gently on the tip of his tongue.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

“For fucks sake!” She pulled back panting as she stared incredulous at the door. “There’s a reason I pay out the ass for security in this building!” Her shoulders slumped as she realized she would have to answer the door. “I’m so sorry.” Her eyes were downturned away from him as she tried to rise. Delrin reached out with his hand to turn her face gently towards him.

“I’ve waited a decade for you, what’s a few minutes more?” A warm smile returned to her features as she leaned over to place a gentle kiss against his lips before she scooted off the couch and stomped her way to the front door. Turning the deadbolt, she opened the door and Delrin nearly burst into laughter at Alistair standing out in the hallway with beet-red cheeks and the door guard with him.

“What’s going on?” Dal asked concerned as to why Alistair was still here.

“Long story short? My car is snowed in. I was going to try and sleep in the lobby, but _Mister Grumpypants_ here won’t let me. There’s no local motel vacancies and I’m not allowed to sleep in your hallway, so he forced me to _interrupt your night_.” Alistair couldn’t make eye contact with either of them as his skin was nearly swollen from the amount of blood flooding his cheeks. Now, Delrin couldn’t help but laugh. Alistair narrowed his eyes at the Templar. “I’m glad someone is enjoying my humiliation.”

“He’s fine, Rudy, he can stay here. Sorry for the inconvenience.” The door guard bid her a good night as Alistair stepped awkwardly into the condo.

“I can’t even phrase how sorry I am right now.” Alistair mumbled still unable to look at either of them clearly which made Delrin laugh even harder at the thought of Alistair and the door guard listening outside the door before forcing Alistair to knock while he had a pretty good idea what could be happening behind the door.

“Ali,” Dal’s voice was serious as she looked up at him, her hair a tangled wet mess on her head. “There’s no reason to be sorry, you’re always welcome here.”

“Are you sure? I can go.” His voice was quiet as he asked the question. With a crooked smile, she placed a hand on his forearm.

“I’m 100% sure. You’re family and will always be welcome in my home. Get your coat off and warm up.”

Once Delrin was able to hide the obvious evidence of their groping with an adjustment of his jeans, he rose off the couch making his way towards Alistair, where he shook the man’s hand once more.

“There’s a few more minutes left of Satinalia, it’s good to see you again.” It wasn’t totally a lie. Yes, he had been annoyed to be interrupted with Dal, but they were also moving faster than he wanted to. He had loved her for the last decade and when, _if_ , he finally got the chance to be with her, he wanted to savor every moment, to drink her slowly like the finest of wine until he’d consumed every drop. Plus, he knew that Alistair wasn’t even close to being considered a bad man. If the worst fault he could find with the man was how much he cared for Idalya, Alistair would always be listed on his short list of _good people_ he knew.

Dal’s slight frame shook as an enormous yawn took over her body. Alistair chuckled watching her.

“Long day?” His grin would be obnoxiously perfect if it wasn’t so infectious.

“You have no idea.” She laughed as her head turned to look towards her bedroom. “I hate to say it, but I think I’m going to go pass out. I’ll see you boys in the morning. Happy Satinalia.” Her feet shuffled towards her bedroom, before she stopped suddenly and walked backward all the way into the kitchen before grabbing the open bottle of vodka Delrin had left out on the counter while mixing drinks. With a tip of an invisible hat, she shuffled her way back to her bedroom and went inside. Delrin got one last look into her eyes as the door closed shut at the look she gave him burnt him to his core.

Alistair laughed as he picked up a forgotten Chinese container and dropped his chopsticks directly inside as he settled back into his chair at the table. “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” He mumbled under his breath as he shoveled a mouthful of spicy chicken with a rich sauce into his mouth.

“Don’t you ever stop eating?” Delrin asked intrigued at the sheer volume of food he had watched the man consume just since he’d been there.

“Not really, no,” Alistair answered between bites. “You should see me with cheese.”

“I think I’d rather not!” He joked back as he made himself comfortable back where he’d been sitting before. “Which couch did you want?”

“I’m not picky. I could lay down on the ground and be asleep in seconds, so you grab the one you want and I’ll take whatever’s left.” Delrin nodded silently as he fluffed the pillow on the far end of the couch and laid down on the upholstery that was still warm and smelled vaguely like the orange tinted perfume that Dal always wore.

He tried to block the thoughts of what they were just doing on the couch as he tried to pay attention to what Alistair was saying at the table to him, but it was impossible. His shirt smelled of her and he could remember exactly what she felt like as her body was pressed tightly against his. Unlike Alistair, he was not a great sleeper so this could be a very long night to be left alone with his thoughts. Sighing, he closed his eyes as he tried to think relaxing thoughts before being serenaded by Alistair’s snoring.

**Buzz**

Delrin smiled as he reached down into his pocket to pull out his phone and open the message.

_Idalya: I love you. [12:04 AM]_

_Delrin: I love you too. [12:05 AM]_

A grin spread across his cheeks as he stared at the words. What had he done to deserve this? As hard as he’d struggled over the years not to feel the way he did about her, she was an addiction he could never kick; essential and necessary the way lyrium was.

_Idalya: I love you more. [12:07 AM]_

_Delrin: O_o [12:07 AM}_

He smiled as he heard a stifled giggle from her bedroom.

_Idalya: I’ve loved you longest. [12:08 AM]_

_Delrin: You’re the worst. [12:08 AM]_

This time it was a full on laugh that echoed under the crack of her door into the living room.

_Idalya: I know. :P Happy Satinalia, Delrin. [12:09 AM}_

_Delrin: Happy Satinalia, Dal. Thank you for making me the happiest man in all of Thedas._

He smiled as he tucked his phone back into the pocket of his jeans and rolled over to place his nose into the pillow that still smelled of her. This would definitely be a Satinalia he would never forget and he had the feeling that it was a story he would end up telling a million times in his lifetime to everyone he’d ever meet. The story of how one snow and dreary Satinalia, Delrin Barris finally got the girl of his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my stories, it really means so much to me! 
> 
> If you enjoy these characters please check out where they originate in "Once & Again" which can be found in the Idalya Mahariel Stories series link above. 
> 
> Also, come hang out on Tumblr with me and talk Dragon Age and I post all updates there for O&A and one-shots if you're too impatient for A03 emails lol. http://kmandergirl.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the month wait, readers! But you finally get the conclusion to the story!
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys and thank you so much for taking your time to read my story!

_One year later…_

The burning heat of the hallway felt unbearable after traveling through the biting cold outside. Last year’s freak cold system had turned into a yearly tradition as Ferelden had been struck by its second white Satinalia in row. Delrin was wearing a simple winter jacket with heavy boots while Dal was wrapped from head to toe in every cold-proof piece of clothing she owned and other pieces she had purchased earlier that week. Since running out recklessly into the snow after him a year beforehand, she had struggled to maintain her body temperature as their country had been plunged into a season of death. He couldn’t help but grin at the woman with whom he was madly in love with. The only visible part of her was a small gap around her eyes that allowed her lavender-toned pupils to glare out in her annoyance as she had walked precariously through the snow to reach their destination.

Even though the holiday was about celebrating and looking forward, Delrin couldn’t help but think back on the happiest year of his life. After they had admitted their mutual feelings, they had returned to their daily lives quickly as the snow had melted away revealing Ferelden from under the cover of snow and ice had laid upon it for over a week. He had driven home the next night when the highway was clear enough to return his father’s truck and to prepare to head back to the Circle, where he was overdue to report from before the storm had set in. When he’d arrived home his mother had been waiting up for him, a warm smile spreading across her features as he’d nearly fallen through the door in mental and emotional exhaustion. They hadn’t needed to speak out loud about what had happened, his mother had known from that very moment and he could tell how happy it had made her.

The first day he returned to Kinloch, he had retracted his promotion paperwork and instead reapplied to the Denerim Circle so he could be closer to Dal than across the country. When told that it could take months to process his transfer, Delrin had started removing each piece of his Templar armor to place on his Knight-Commander’s desk, showing that he would just quit if the Chantry was going to waste his time. To his surprise the Knight-Commander had laughed and admitted defeat before stamping the transfer paperwork to send to Denerim that very night. One month to the day he had first discovered the joy that was kissing the girl he’d loved longer than he could remember, he’d packed the last of his belongings into the back of his sedan. His mother held tightly onto him, as though it was the first time she’d ever had to really let him go.

As his car sputtered into the lot of her condo, his eyes had caught the flash of brilliant white across the way as Dal had sprinted out of the building towards him. His wheels had barely stopped moving as he’d thrown open the door catching the flying elf in mid-air, swinging her around in circles as her joyful cry had echoed through the empty lot. Delrin could feel the eyes of the doorman drilling through him, but he couldn’t care less as he’d lowered the girl, _his_ girl, to the ground, her lips finding his as the two could barely maintain a kiss, with the grins planted on their faces.

Grabbing him by the hand she had pulled him behind her and set off towards the condo with a mission. Delrin swallowed loudly as she dragged him off the elevator towards her condo at the end of the hall. She didn’t hesitate as she pulled him through the front door, but Delrin was confused when she didn’t drag him towards her bedroom, but instead towards her office on the other side of the condo. Reaching the door, she froze, turning to look at him with her teeth worrying one side of her lips as she looked nervous.

“I have a confession.” Delrin’s heart dropped into his stomach as the words passed her fraying lips that she continued to chew on. “So, you know how I promised that I would look for a studio apt for you and have it lined up for you before you got here? I…,” she looked around nervously, ”may not have gotten around to it.” He sighed wearily as he watched the woman whose face had featured every night in his dreams since the last time he was here.

She was a very committed lawyer and he had known when he’d asked her to secure him someplace to live that it was asking a lot. Templar in the area had offered to help him, but she’d quickly rebuffed any efforts to help him and claimed the job for herself. It hadn’t been the first time he’d had to come up with housing quickly on the fly, but he had been counting on not having to worry about where he would be living while he adjusted to his new Circle.

Reaching forward, she took the doorknob in hand. “I know we didn’t talk about this,” she began. “But I want you to stay here.” Turning the knob the door opened and Delrin was floored to find Dal’s office gone and a large bed and furniture set in its place. “I figured my offer still stood for you to come be my roommate in Denerim and all the adventures we’d have. You’re welcome to stay here if you’d like, even forever if that’s your preference.” There was a blush high on her cheeks making her flushed as the Templar stared at his love in shock. Not once in their discussions had living together even been brought up. Even for how long they’d known one another, what they had together was still so new that he’d never had any thoughts of pressuring her for anything like this. For her to go out of her way on her own to make him feel so welcome in her home, truly touched him.

With a grin on his face, Delrin moved forward to take the nervous elf in his arms. As his foot stepped forward on the hardwood floors, a board creaked and muffled sound came from the room. He turned to Dal in confusion.

“So…that’s the other confession.” Delrin turned at a noise to notice a small mess of fur that was clumsy on its feet, stumble out and sit promptly on the tops of Dal’s feet as she cringed in discomfort. “This is your welcome present from Alistair: his name is Rufus- Rufus Barris.” There was laughter in her words as she finished.

“Rufus? What kind of name is that for a mabari?” Delrin kneeled, holding his hand out towards the great, though still small, beast to smell. The puppy learned forward until it tipped forward nearly hitting its snout on the wooden floor.

“No idea, but Alistair claimed that every true Fereldener needs a mabari. He’s still getting used to his size. Good breeding lines. He’ll be a good dog.” Her long finger scratched lines across the back of Rufus’ head as the dog’s eyes rolled back into his head in bliss as Delrin laughed at the scene the two made.

Over their Satinalia’s Dal would always joke that she had expected to come back Lake Calanhad to find him married with a child on the way in a house, but her prediction had turned out to be backward. It was him that came to find her in her glittering condo overlooking the city to find a family already built for him. If someone had asked him months ago, what the best outcome of his life could look like, he’d have never thought this, but standing here now he realized he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

“Why the hell aren’t they opening the door?” Delrin was brought back to reality as Dal grew more agitated as she stood in every piece of winter gear she owned. Bringing up a high-heeled shoe, she knocked harshly with her foot. There was commotion at the large door before it flung open and Alistair’s face lit up as he stood there larger than life.

“You guys made it! I’m so happy, come in!” The large man flew forward to wrap his arms tightly around both as Dal issued a squeak of discomfort. “Sorry, sorry. I just get overexcited. Come on in and I’ll get your coats.” The two followed him into the massive loft space where Alistair resided in the city.

Delrin wasn’t the cocktail party kind of person, but Dal had informed him how much it would mean to Alistair to spend Satinalia with all his family. Alistair took his coat and laughed as both men attempted to unwrap Dal from her innumerable layers. Finally reaching her jacket to unveil a knee length black beaded dress, Delrin helped her remove her coat and hood and heard Alistair audibly gasp.

“Dal, your hair!” He had nearly forgotten Alistair hadn’t seen it yet. Out of nowhere a few weeks prior she had chopped off her waist-length white mane off above her ears. Delrin had been surprised when she’d arrived home that night, but once he realized her hair curled in ringlets around her mahogany skin when it wasn’t weighed down, he immediately fell in love with it. It was a drastic change, but she still grew more beautiful to him every day he saw her.

“Yeah, needed a change.” She shrugged.

“You look beautiful, as always.” He grinned at her as she playful punched him in the arm. In the back of his head, there was always voice whispering that he should feel jealous of the relationship the two had, but they acted far more like siblings than former lovers, so it was easy to feel secure that their love for one another went no further than that.

There were small groups of people dispersed across the loft as they entered the party. Dal slipped her small hand into the crook of his elbow as headed towards a larger crowd. Speaking to strangers wasn’t his talent, but Dal knew most of these people through her work and was a gracious introducer, as usual. She steered him towards a broad-shouldered man with a head of small bright blonde curls with a beautiful auburn-haired woman draped on his arm.

“Cullen, it’s nice to see you.” Dal shook his hand as the woman with the red hair eyed her suspiciously. She turned towards him. “I’d like to introduce my partner: Delrin Barris.” The man she’d addressed as Cullen stepped forward shaking his hand with a firm grip.

“Heard a lot of about you, Alistair says you’re quite the Templar.” Delrin was glad his skin hid most of his embarrassment. He could only imagine half the things a man would share with his friends about his ex’s new boyfriends. “Cullen Rutherford, private security for Denerim politicians, and this is Evelyn Trevelyan.” The redhead stepped forward, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Alistair, you have such handsome friends. I should have shown up to more of your parties over the years.” She called over Delrin’s shoulder as she heard Alistair laugh in the background, and an unimpressed _humph_ from Dal beside him.

“The honor is mine, Mr. Rutherford, Councilwoman Trevelyan.” Evelyn’s brow ticked up slightly in satisfaction of having her full title noted. Dal had forced him weeks ago, to get fitted for the simple black suit he was wearing tonight, but he was glad to be wearing it now if he was going to rubbing elbows with politicians that weren’t Alistair.  Plus, he got the pride of watching how Dal looked at him in the suit. He was certain when they got home that she’d take great joy in stripping off every confining piece until his soul was fully bared to her and only her. At that moment, he nearly chuckled knowing that the fact she knew she was taking him home was probably the only reason she wasn’t getting in Ms. Trevelyan’s face. As a lawyer for years, Dal had a great poker face, except for the people she loved. Cullen opened his mouth to speak when they were distracted by someone behind them.

“Dal, Delrin, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” They turned as Alistair approached with someone following hesitantly behind. He quickly stepped to the side unveiling a small dusty blonde woman, with a long loose ponytail thrown over one shoulder, dressed in simple slacks and a white blouse. “This is Neria Surana.” The girl looked down her nose before she pushed her dark rimmed glasses up as she realized she was being awkward. “My girlfriend.”

Dal laughed, reaching out to shake the woman’s hand. “We actually know each other, Neria was an expert witness for me years ago, on historical landmarks in Ferelden. She’s quite the asset to the Denerim History museum. It’s lovely to see you again, Neria. I’m quite happy for you two!” Neria turned slowly to look up at Alistair’s goofy grin.

“You didn’t tell me “Dal” was Idalya Mahariel.” She mumbled quietly, as Alistair gave her a warm smile.

“That might be the title she wears at work, but she’ll always be Dal to me.” Dal’s eyes traveled over the woman, noting the sloping arc of her pointed ears as her jaw fell open in realization.

“She’s an _elf,_ ” Dal whispered much too loudly, as Delrin chuckled as Cullen’s attempt to cough his laughter.

Alistair leaned forward, a lopsided grin on the man’s face. “Turns out I have a type.” He shrugged. “Or maybe I took some life advice from my best friends that if you have a chance at happiness, you need to follow it, wherever it takes you.”

A smile spread across Delrin’s face as Dal slid her cool fingers between his.

“Times are changing in Ferelden. If a man’s skills as a politician are defined by who he loves at his side, then that’s not a place I want to represent.” Neria’s cheeks blushed, her eyes widening in surprise at his words and Delrin chuckled wondering if Alistair had just unknowingly admitted his love for the fidgety historian.

“Indeed.” Dal nodded approvingly.

“Can I get you guys some champagne?” Alistair inquired.

“I’m good. I walked here in heels and wouldn’t do well to wander home drunk. Plus, I’ve been cutting back significantly for the sake of Ferelden’s stock holds.” Alistair laughed and held his hands up in surrender, before steering his quiet girlfriend in the direction of other guests. Dal turned to look up at him. “Can we step out on the deck? I need some air.”

“Of course,” his hand rested on the small of her back as he helped her towards the deck that overlooked the city. Despite the large size of the loft, there was little air flow, making the near warehouse heat up as the party guests arrived. “It’s beautiful out here.” Denerim felt like such a large city, but from up here it looked no larger than the downtown area of Lake Calanhad.

“Happy Satinalia Eve, Delrin.” He smiled as he approached her, wrapping his arms around her from behind to hold her chilled back against him as they overlooked the city.

“And Happy Satinalia Eve to you, my love.” He whispered against the skin just behind her ear as a shudder ran through her, only this time not from the cold.

“Did you want your present early?” Her voice was uncertain as the words came out.

He looked around cautiously. “You look incredibly beautiful, but I’m not certain I would feel comfortable ravaging you on the deck of your ex-boyfriend’s house.” Dal laughed, the sound echoing around the edges of the building.

She ribbed him gently with her elbow. “ _You fiend_.” Her hand came up to remove something from a side pocket of the dress that she pressed into his hands.

Delrin looked over her shoulder to see it was a small white envelope made of expensive paper. He knew she could sense his confusion.

“Open it.” She prompted as she stepped forward to turn and watch him in anticipation.

He ran a nail under the adhesive on the envelope until it popped open revealing a black white card inside. Removing the card, he looked and front and back noticing nothing. Opening the card, his face fell as he processed what was inside- a blurry scanned black and white photograph of an indiscernible shape.

“What is this?” Even as he asked, he already knew as he could feel his heart racing and the blood stop running to his head.

Dal walked slowly towards him like he was a spooked animal as she reached forward to drag her fingers softly along the misshapen white mass in the middle of the picture. “This is the first picture of our baby, Del.”

A hand shot over his mouth as tears started to fill his eyes. He’d never experienced emotions like this before. So much fear and joy wrapped up tightly in one bundle. When his eyes met Dal’s, he saw those emotions reflected in her glassy eyes. Without pause, he pulled her into his arms tightly as he nuzzled his nose into the curls of her hair.

“Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more, you show me something that makes me love you in a way a never knew could exist until this very moment.” He whispered against the slant of her ear, his lips sliding against the silken skin, as she sighed in his arms bracing her weight against him. They stood, holding one another, in peaceful silence as the party inside progressed without them.

Delrin Barris had never thought of himself as a lucky man, until this moment standing outside, holding not one, but both of his favorite people in the world. All the heartache of those previous Satinalias were worth it to be standing here at this moment in time. To be loved by the single greatest woman he’d ever known and to be able to know the joy that raising a family together with her would be. It was more than he ever could have asked for prayed for, yet the Maker had deemed him worthy enough for his fortune. He was a man that never took a day of his life for granted and he couldn’t wait to tell his child the story of how he and their mother had fallen in love and then found each other after losing one another.

Placing a soft kiss at the crown of her curls, he smiled as he held her tighter to him against the frigid cold. He inhaled deeply and exhaled.

“Rufus is going to hate no longer being an only child.” Dal burst out in laughter into his suit jacket surrounding him in her warmth. As long as he lived, he knew he’d never forget the sound of her laughter that night no matter how many other Satinalia’s would pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading it means so much to me. 
> 
> If you enjoyed these characters, please check out Once & Again, the story they originate from that's included at the beginning of the series that still gets frequent updates!
> 
> Also a special thank you to TheWardenComander for allowing me to use her Warden, Neria Surana, in this chapter.


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